


And Celebrate The Irony

by downtowndystopia



Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, M/M, canadian!klaine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-14
Updated: 2014-08-14
Packaged: 2018-02-13 04:30:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2137047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/downtowndystopia/pseuds/downtowndystopia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurt and Blaine are the newest panelists on the Toronto-based show  One Girl Five Gays. The sparks are instant.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And Celebrate The Irony

**Author's Note:**

> Please check my tumblr at downtowndystopia for a list of links and definitions on Toronto/Canadian culture to give best context

_Tonight on One Girl Five Gays our panel answers 20 questions about love and sex!_

Blaine doesn't know how he got this gig. He has been a huge fan since he was a teenager, sneaking into the living room at 11 to watch the show while his parents got ready for bed. When he moved to Toronto for university he didn't think he'd be answering on national (well kind-of national) television questions about his sex life.

Yet here he is, in a studio, at MTV headquarters. He hadn't actually been to the entertainment district before his interview, feeling much safer in mid-town (the prices surprisingly cheaper as well.) When he gets off at King station and starts his walk to the Masonic Temple, he stares with wide eyes at the place he'd only been to twice before.

He's seen the show. Many times. He knows that the questions are going to be invasive. All he can do is hope that none of his family in Ingersoll, Ontario sees it. Small town gossip always kept them busy anyway. He walks in, and is immediately greeted by an intern named Sandy who takes him into makeup where a bunch of (much more attractive) men are getting ready. He recognizes most of them, but there's another new guy there, for sure. He has never seen this one (and he watches the show a  _lot_.) The man looks about his age, tall, blue eyes, probably a model. The man catches him staring and he goes bright red

“Oh, I’m-uh,” Blaine stammers.

“Kurt,” the man replies.

“What?”

“My name,” the man repeats. “Is Kurt. Kurt Hummel. I guess we're the new guys huh?”

“Yeah you are,” another guy (J.T? He was never good with names) calls out.

It's funny how Blaine should be starstruck by all the familiar faces he is so devoted to but this man, Kurt, is so striking. “Are you a model?” Blaine blurts out ( _real_  smooth, Anderson.)

Kurt laughs, “No.” Blaine feels the silence weighing on him. “I do work for Elle, though.”

“The magazine,” Blaine gapes.

Kurt obviously loves the attention, “Mhm,” he hums. “I write for their website, usually runway reviews and trend forecasts,” he replies nonchalantly.

“Oh stop blowing hot air into your ass,” another guy replies, and Blaine wants to throttle him. “We're not even filming yet,” the man finishes.

“The man asked a question, what can I say?” Kurt bites back. “Now what did you say your name was?”

“Blaine,” Blaine replies quietly.

“So Blaine, what do you do?” Kurt asks.

“Oh, uh, I'm at Ryerson for acting, but I'm thinking of switching to U of T Mississauga since they have the joint program with--”

“--Sheridan, I know,” Kurt interrupts. “Don't do it, you get to take musical theatre courses at Ryerson eventually and the degree will mean a lot more if you want to get onto Mirvish, or into NTS, for that matter,” Kurt replies.

“Hey, I went to Sheridan,” a hipster guy with too much stubble replies.

“And what are you doing with that?” Kurt asks in what is becoming to Blaine, a familiar sickly sweet tone (thankfully never directed at him, yet.)

“Alright ladies,” their boss yells clapping sarcastically. Blaine remembers the man, Marcel, very well. He is terrifying. “Let's save that for the show shall we?”

“Gladly,” Kurt smiles, strutting off into the filming area. Blaine follows, sitting beside him.

Marcel walks in, carrying a bunch of papers. “Okay we have two new guys today so be nice,” he warns before laughing. “Just kidding. We're making T.V here, folks, this might not be scripted but it's not rocket science to know that you're going to have to play some stuff up to make it here, yeah?” Everyone nods, including Blaine. He had already been given the low-down on what was to happen, he knew that while this isn't an acting gig on paper, it requires some theatricality for sure.

“Okay, our host Aliya is going to come in now and we're going to start shooting. We'll break at six and then come back for the next ten questions.

The camera starts, the show begins, Blaine takes a deep breath, and it starts.

_What are your porn f_ _ilters_

“Threesomes,” one man replies with a smirk.

“Twinks, bareback, and interracial,” another man replies.

Kurt is next, smirking at Blaine, “Virgins,” he replies. Blaine goes bright red.

“Ooh,” Replies the host Aliya. “Is there any particular reason you looked at Blaine for that question, Kurt?” she asks, obviously trying to stir something up. It's definitely begun.

“Well he is obviously attractive,” ( _wait what?_ ) “And let's just say I know them when I see them,” he winks.

“Blaine, do you have anything to say to that?” Aliya asks

“I'm not,” Blaine replies haughtily. “A virgin, that is. I'm, uh-not.”

Kurt hums, muttering “Could have fooled me,” and all the other boys  _ooh_  and  _ah_. Blaine isn't sure if he is mad (he knows he can't take any of this personally) or turned on (//it's all an act, right?)

The rest of the men answer (toys, amateur, etc.) and the host goes onto the next question.

_When having sex I won't put ____ in my mouth_

“Toes.”

“Fingers.”

“Hair.”

Blaine blanches, realizing it's his turn, “Um,” he says. “I-I don't think there's anything normal I wouldn't-wouldn't put into my mouth?”

The cast is obviously scandalized, Kurt included.

“Semen,” Kurt replies, just after another guy (much more butch than the others) rolls his eyes mutters something about frigid bottoms. Kurt smiles icily. Blaine just knows that the guy is going to have it coming in the next round.

_Describe how you fuck in one word_

“Crazy.”

“Hot.”

“Dedicated.”

“Relentless,” Kurt replies slowly, as if he is tasting each syllable, then winking at the butch man across the room. Blaine feels a rush of jealous heat run through his body. “But unfortunately for closet-bottom over there,” gesturing towards the guy he just winked at. “I'm also picky.”

“Hard,” Blaine replies simply, looking Kurt straight in the eye.

“Can I just say that you could cut the sexual tension between those two with a knife,” one guy comments. The others hum in agreement. Blaine tries not to blush, Kurt just smiles proudly.

  
_What is the story of how you lost your virginity?_

The stories for that question are pretty long and vivid, some quite sad, leaving the room somber (and Blaine realizes that while they might be acting, this really can act like therapy for someone; he sees that now,) some funny, some detailed. Overly detailed, Blaine’s opinion.

“So then he is fingering me on the teacher's desk,” Kurt goes on. “And he fucks me right against the chalkboard while anyone could walk in. There was an outline of my naked ass on the board there for the next class and they spent weeks trying to find out who caused it. We're still good friends, actually. Used to be roommates.”

“You're lying,” Blaine interrupts. “No one loses their virginity like that.”

“I have proof,” Kurt replies, quick as a whip. The cast reacts accordingly. “I can call him right now and he will say the exact same thing, I promise you.”

Aliya encourages him to do it so he dials the number on his phone. “Yeah, Sebastian? This is going to sound really crazy but can you recount the time in tenth grade when I lost my virginity to you?”

And it's fucking true.

The cast, including Blaine and the host are staring in silent appreciation. “That one is going into the show without a doubt,” Aliya replies.

Blaine is next and he doesn't really know how to follow that up. “Well my first time was in my first year of university with my boyfriend of six months,” the cast coos about how cute it is, Blaine feels he needs to interject. “We uh, broke up a couple days after though,” he admits. “I guess sex complicates things.”

“Or you were just bad at it,” Kurt replies.

“Wouldn't you like to know?” Blaine smiles bitchily, in a way he wouldn't usually.

Aliya goes onto the next set of questions until they have to break, and then they wrap a couple hours later. Before Blaine or Kurt can leave, Marcel, their boss asks them to stick behind.

“Amazing job guys,” he says. “Seriously, I haven't seen that much usable footage in a long while. You'll be a fan favourite in no-time.”

Kurt walks away smiling, Blaine looking bashfully at the ground.

“Are you coming?” Kurt asks.

“What?” Blaine stutters.

Kurt sighs. “Jeeze Blaine, you do know it's all an act right?”

“Of course,” Blaine huffs. Of course Kurt didn't actually  _want_  him. Of course.

“Well not all of it,” he teases. “Come on, I know you're not from this area and there is a great sushi restaurant right by here you need to try,” he says. “You must be hungry after eight hours of shooting.”

“It's not as bad as most T.V shows, you know there are ones that have 16 hour days?” Blaine asks. “Like that musical one, what's the name?”

“I have no clue and I don't want to know,” Kurt replies. “Sounds tacky though.”

“So what's this about a sushi restaurant?” Blaine asks, changing the subject.

“It's right in the fashion district and has the best California roll in all of Toronto, I swear,” Kurt says. “And it also just so happens to be right underneath this amazing loft with the most comfortable king size bed you'll ever sleep in.”

“Did you just say what I think you said?” Blaine asks, mouth falling open in surprise. Damn this guy is forward. “I mean I just found out four hours ago how you lost your virginity...”

“Don't worry,” Kurt replies. “Sebastian has never been more than a friend, we'd kill each other if we were anything else,” he smiles, taking Blaine’s hand, walking into the street. “We totally did fuck in the chemistry classroom though,” he says casually.

“Is this some weird form of foreplay?” Blaine asks, in wonder of the enigma that is Kurt Hummel.

“Sushi and then sex sounds like a terrible kind of foreplay?” Kurt questions.

“You have a point,” Blaine relents. “But first I have to do something.”

“And what is that?” Kurt asks. Before he can add on some anecdote or joke Blaine leans up and kisses him. Hard. Kurt kisses back, giving just as much before pulling away. “This may be Toronto, but I’m not letting any guy—no matter how well he is made of fine quality boyfriend material—press me up against a dirty brick wall in this designer jacket.”

“Boyfriend material, huh?” Blaine asks.

“What can I say, my job has taught me to be forward,” Kurt replies innocently. “You would have hated me in high school,” he replies. “I would have stumbled around you for months, pining over you,” he ponders.

“We'd be instant friends of course,” Blaine says, playing along.

“Of course,” Kurt replies. “And we'd have some great obstacle like—hm I don't know a homophobic high school?”

“Didn't you grow up in Toronto?” Blaine counters.

“Homophobia still exists here,” Kurt replies haughtily. “Okay fine then maybe we'd be rivals in the school musical?”

“A glee club?” Blaine supplies, walking hand-in-hand with Kurt, wondering how he could feel so connected to a guy he'd literally just met that say.

“Oh god no that's so tacky,” Kurt replies.

“True,” Blaine agrees. “Although I always did like those acapella groups.”

“You might have to take that back if you expect me to ride you into the sunset after we have the best sushi in the city,” Kurt warns, with no bite to his words.

“It's taken back,” Blaine says with mock-sincerity, holding his hands up in surrender.

“Good,” Kurt says, grabbing his hand again. “Is it weird that it doesn't feel like the first time we've met?” Kurt asks.

“I was actually just thinking the same thing,” Blaine admits.

“Are you thinking the same thing as me in that we should skip the sushi then and head straight to dessert?” He smirks. “Sorry if I'm being too forward,” he adds quietly.

Blaine replies by kissing Kurt against his apartment door (decidedly more clean) until both parties are breathless.

“Kurt Hummel, we are  _definitely_  on the same page.”


End file.
